Ten Things Middle School Parents Can Do to Establish Strong Partnerships with Teachers
Disclaimer: I am publishing this mid-summer, lest any of my past or future students and parents think that this is targeted at them. It is not! It is just a compilation of things I’ve learned as a middle school teacher with 24 years experience teaching 5th, 6th, and 7th graders in SC public schools.
So your kid is leaving the safe confines of elementary school and headed into the middle school years, fraught with changes in hormones, physical growth, friendship woes, a sudden interest in relationships beyond friendships, and DRAMA. Often that drama surrounds issues that happen in the classrooms and school hallways. And who is on the front lines of these ever-evolving battles? Your child’s teachers. Your child’s teachers should be your best allies—after all, a child spends 7-8 hours at school five days a week, which is more hours than most parents actually spend with their children (awake) each day. But unfortunately, the angst of middle schoolers often creates a wall between teachers and parents, especially when children come home with emotionally-charged stories of things that happened during the school day. My goal with this post is to tear down these walls! Teachers love your children, I promise. Like I shared in my recent post, “An Open Letter to My Students,” teachers didn’t go into this profession because we enjoy tormenting students or being tormented. We truly have our students’ best interests in mind and want to help them succeed in school and in life! And one of the best ways we can do that is to establish a strong partnership and connection with YOU, their parents! So hear me out… I’m getting ready to start my 25th year as a middle school educator, and I’ve experienced and learned quite a few things along the way.
During the Spring of 2020, when teachers and students were quarantined at home, teachers spent almost 24/7 trying to maintain a connection our students and continue teaching. It was a trying time, but many families praised teachers for pivoting and instantly learning how to teach remotely. That’s what teachers are best at—meeting the needs of our students in any situation. And at the end of that school year, many teachers actually made home visits to their students to deliver end-of-the-year awards.
Model and teach your children to be respectful and kind. There is a culture of disrespect plaguing our society, and it spills over into our classroom on a daily basis. Help combat that by modeling and teaching your children to be kind, patient, gentle, and exhibit self-control in their actions and words.
Trust teachers to know what and how to teach. Most teachers have been through at least four years of college to earn their initial degree and certification, and many of us went on to receive Master’s degrees and additional degrees and certifications. Teaching is not just about the knowledge of content—it’s about understanding pedagogy, the art of teaching. Teachers are also constantly being required to complete professional development and recertification classes to stay up-to-date in our field. We are inundated and trained on research-based strategies to help your children learn. Our teaching is guided by vetted and approved standards which are always available for families to access. Don’t believe the lies about what is happening in classrooms, which are often perpetuated by politics and social media. Talk to us. Ask questions and seek to understand what we are actually teaching and learning vs what you see on social media. We love our students, want to help prepare them for their futures, and want to partner with parents in helping raise good people and citizens! We love teaching, and we love your kids. Trust us.
Support teachers in helping to enforce school rules. There are rules in place for a reason, and teachers are expected to follow and enforce school rules. If we were to ignore rules or children who disobey them, chaos would reign in our classrooms and hallways! Don’t get mad at us when we are forced to issue a consequences for a child who violates an established school or classroom rule. If you don’t agree with a rule, reach out to the teacher or administrator who created the rule to have a productive conversation—find out why the rule actually exists, and if you and your child still think it’s unfair, have a productive conversation about how it could be changed to make things better. I teach my students every year to argue well—identify their claim, three reasons for their claim, multiple pieces of evidence to support their reasons, and understand/address the counterarguments. Practice using your voice in a positive, productive manner when dealing with disagreements and conflict. This is one of the most important lessons we can all teach our children!
Don’t stop following up with your child’s education as soon as he/she enters middle school. This is when they need you most! Middle schoolers are like overgrown toddlers. (Sorry, kids—it’s true.) Besides the first two years of life, adolescence is when humans experience the most growth—so many physical changes and hormonal swings just take over. Often, the brain takes a hiatus during these years! Decision-making abilities and logic fly out the window when kids are this age and aren’t truly developed until a child is in their early twenties. If you adopt the “well, they’re in middle school, I’m going to stop paying attention to their schoolwork/homework now because they’re old enough to handle it themselves” mentality, they will flounder. They need you now more than ever! When you ask your children if they are caught up with their work and they say yes, ask for proof. Make them show you the completed work, whether it’s on paper or in an online submission. It doesn’t have to be a battle—and is a pretty easy habit to establish. You can also accomplish several things with this strategy, including ensuring that your children are actually caught up, checking the quality of their work, knowing what they are learning about in school, and practicing accountability with them.
Remember that teachers are human beings with families and lives of their own. Don’t expect an instant reply to an email, especially after school hours. If we don’t reply in a day or two, follow up—it could be that your message got buried at the bottom of a list of a thousand other emails!
Don’t jump to conclusions. We became teachers because we love kids and we love teaching. We are not in it to target or bully children. If your child comes home saying that the teacher said or did something you don’t agree with, before running to the school administration or district office, check with the teacher first. Middle schoolers are notorious for exaggerating, dramatizing, misinterpreting, or flat-out making things up to get themselves out of trouble. Maybe start off an email with “Dear Teacher, So-and-so came home and shared something that happened in class today, and before I jump to any conclusions, I’d like to hear your story about what happened.” This kind of communication can go a LONG way in establishing a healthy student-teacher-parent relationship! Don’t jump onto Facebook and start posting stories and names (which could be considered libel) or tearing schools and teachers down. If there is a concern, find out the facts before making assumptions.
Buy a box of tissue, canister of Lysol wipes, or pack of pencils the next time you’re at the store and send it in with your child. These are the three things we ALWAYS run out of and need, all year long!
A random, “thank you for teaching my child, you’re doing a great job” note or email can sustain teachers for days, if not weeks or months. (I have a folder in my file cabinet and special folder in my inbox that I keep these in and frequently re-read them when I am having a rough day!)
Talk to your children. One of the biggest struggles our children are facing, especially post-pandemic, is the ability to collaborate and think critically. They don’t want or don’t know how to think for themselves, and they are desperate for human connection. Ask them to tell you about their days, what they are learning about, to look at and analyze multiple sides of an issue, and to explain WHY.
Let your child fail, and let them know it’s ok to make mistakes. I know that goes against every instinct we have as parents! But when we let our children fail and then help them learn from their mistakes, we teach them work ethic and resilience. There is an epidemic of perfectionism these days, partly due to everyone wanting their lives to appear perfect on social media, but we all know that is not reality. For the sake of your child’s mental health, let them make mistakes and work through their failures. Support them through the learning process, and praise their efforts, not their success.
I was recently asked by a friend, “How can we support public schools?” So here’s an additional way that you can help establish a positive relationship with your child’s school(s): VOTE. Don’t vote “straight party,” because neither party has it totally right. Do your research and look at what your local, state, and national candidates stand for. Help vote in the people who will help pass supportive legislation—legislation that will help lower class sizes, give teachers the time and space they need to plan and support their students, create more mental health resources, create safer schools, raise teacher pay, keep public monies in public schools…those are just a few of the issues teachers face daily. Locally, voting for bond referendums to build more schools is essential—the area where I live is exploding with growth, and the current schools are overcrowded, creating a challenge for space and larger/more unmanageable class sizes.
Teachers not only teach, they also plan and manage school events like school dances, field trips, clubs, and athletic events, often after hours and without pay.
Even though field trips are expensive and can be a lot of work and stress, teachers fight for them because we know how wonderful they are for our students!